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01/15/2006: "consequences"

Everything you put in to your body has consequences. Of course, quantity and orifice play a role in what happens, but the most important factor in determining the consequence of a particular insertion is the makeup of the actual item. Alot of what goes into me is Taco Bell (but don't worry, my body is primarily a nation of exports). I was wondering what issues, if any, would arise from primary injestion of such foods. So I did my homework and sent away for the nutritional facts. What I received was the following:

Taco Bell strives to provide its customers with quality food at a good value. However, as with any food, a small portion of the population may experience negative side effects. Taco Bell has been known to cause elephantitis of the ass and nuts in labratory testing of animals.

Now I don't know about the ass part, but the nuts part is assuredly true. Ever since I had my first 1/2 lb Bean Burrito Especial with green sauce and extra creamy jalapeno sauce I have noticed an increase in both quality and quantity of nuts. After a 6 month steady diet, I can safely say that my nuts have reached the size of balls of hail from places that have big balls of hail, like Wyoming. So unfortunately, this side-effect has struck me hard. Not only have I had to purchase a larger size of onederwear but I have been unable to participate in my usual games of sport such as sword fighting and sudoku. If you or a friend are in need of some spare nuts (maybe from a horrible factory accident, or recently married) please let me know and I will see what I can do to help. Had I known about these potential side-effects earlier, this could have been avoided. Always be sure to read the label.


Replies: 57 Comments

Hey Johnnyboy, Glad you finally updated the 'ol mooblog. How'd you like my notes on the ad for Onederwear? Did you even see them? Later, J

Jayme said @ 01/17/2006 06:27 PM PDT

That was you!? I thought it was MD...Anyway, Jayme underlined the "tired of wearing dirty underwear" and "available in thong" parts of the onederwear ad for me. Thanks pal.

John said @ 01/17/2006 11:08 PM PDT

You are very welcome :).

Jayme said @ 01/20/2006 11:15 AM PDT

So I come in here seeing if you updated and all I see are posts about boobs and nuts. I'm glad you are a certain constant in an uncertain world.

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